Today, I’ll think of you as I do every dayBut this time, I will smile instead of cry.
Today, I will not focus on memories that make me .
Instead, I’ll think of times we laughed until we cried.
Today, I won’t remember all the things you’ve missed this year.
Instead, I will think of all the things you have experienced in your new life eternal.
I won’t stop and look at pictures the same sorrowful way anymore.
I will just picture you at peace.
Today, I will not look at my yellow rose bush
with the same emptiness I did a year ago.
I will only focus on its beauty and the friendship it stands for.
Part of me doesn’t want to give up my sorrow;
it feels as though I’m giving you up.
But today I realize that ,while I will always miss you,
I cannot always grieve.
Today, I am determined to remember you the way you would want me to—
as a great friend, a wonderful wife,
loving mother and grandmother.
I’ll remember the good times–picnics by the ice cold creek with our children on a hot summer’s day,
Spring breaks, and that you would always have
some sort of baby animal for Jessica to play with.
I’ll enjoy the memory of your spontaneity, your love of life and God.
I’ll smile at the way you could just finger comb your hair on the way out the door,
applying mascara at the first stoplight.
I’ll refuse to think of our last conversation
when I failed to talk you out of your trip to California.
I’ll just remember our last visit when I cleaned out
your kitchen cabinets the way I’d always wanted to.
I’ll remember the crackers and laughing cow cheese,
eaten while talking about our future as grandmas.
I’ll promise to stop mourning so much, to start cherishing more,
to find blessings in all that was our friendship.
Today, I let you go from the tight grip of my heart.
Today, I will find peace in the knowledge that you are safe, happy and whole.
Today will be different.
Today, I will start over, one today at a time.